Carnations
by Kimchi Cake
Summary: Yamamoto Takeshi moves through life wondering about mothers.


_Note: Each section with a different character is meant to take place in a different year. Starting at the beginning, Yamamoto is thirteen, and by the end, he's twenty._

* * *

Takeshi didn't know his mother.

He knew what she looked like thanks to the single picture of her in the house, but just one picture isn't enough. He wanted to know her further. He wanted to know if she could make any other expressions besides the frozen smile he saw every day.

He liked to imagine them, sometimes. His old man said he took after her, and his dad probably knew her face better than anyone what with all the time he spent looking at the photograph set in their small shrine. Takeshi used to sit in front of the mirror hanging in the bathroom and try to make as many different faces as he could and try to reconcile the prepubescent boy staring back at him to the beautiful woman in the picture. It was a lot harder than he thought it would be, and he'd always end up with a headache and slightly red eyes for his efforts.

When that didn't work, he would try to imagine how she would react to, well, everything. His first home run, his bad test grades, when he made first string on the school team, when he broke his arm, when he tried to jump off the roof, when he became best friends with Tsuna and Gokudera, when he came home covered in cuts and scrapes practically every week. But it's hard to pinpoint the reactions of someone he'd never met.

Takeshi thought it was unfair that he got to spend every day with her for nine whole months and then some for every moment and not get remember even a single thing about her.

Sometimes he was insurmountably jealous of his old man. He had gotten to spend so much time with her. He knew what she had looked like when she wasn't blindingly happy and smiling for the camera. He knew what her laugh sounded like and how she was when she cried or was angry. He knew practically everything about her, and he wouldn't share any of it that mattered.

Not to say that his dad didn't tell him things about her when Takeshi would ask, but it was always the same things.

She was kind. She had the most beautiful smile he had ever seen. She could be terrifying when he'd done something wrong. She was the love of his life.

She was exactly the same as every other dead mother in the world.

Takeshi tried not to hold it against him, though. After all, if Takeshi was going through so much trouble missing someone he'd never met, he couldn't imagine the pain his old man was going through of missing someone he'd loved so much he had changed his lifestyle to be with them for a forever cut short.

* * *

Takeshi liked Tsuna. He was an interesting guy to hang around with and fun stuff was always happening around him, but Takeshi would be lying if he said he enjoyed being over at the Sawada household. Don't get him wrong, it was a very nice house that always had a welcoming atmosphere, but Takeshi couldn't help the tension in his shoulders whenever he stepped into its threshold.

He couldn't help it. Tsuna's mom just made him uncomfortable. It certainly wasn't her fault. No one was to blame but Takeshi himself. He was just unfamiliar with the idea of a mother figure that wasn't frozen in time and actually did mom things. It was weird. Granted, Takeshi knew that most people had a living mother who did mom things like hum while they cooked in an apron and offer juice and cookies to guests (at least, that's what Takeshi figured mom's did). Takeshi didn't though. He had his old man who rarely cooked outside of his restaurant and didn't like having guests over at all. And that was what Takeshi was comfortable with.

So when faced with the common occurrence of sitting in Tsuna's room doing whatever to avoid starting their homework, Takeshi found himself dreading the inevitable appearance of the woman who everyone Takeshi knew called Maman. He knew he was being ridiculous, but he felt his situation similar to that of a fish bleeding in open water. He was just terrified of the day when someone would finally ask why he didn't call Nana by the affectionate title like damn near everyone else. Even scarier a thought was the day when the woman asked him herself.

But Takshi's friends had more tact than that, and the only time Takeshi had ever ended up alone in a room with Nana hadn't been anywhere near as bad as he had thought it would be. The result of a rather disastrous training trip had ended with Tsuna in the hospital for somehow tripping off a cliff, and Takeshi wound up standing in the lobby as Nana filled out paperwork. The woman had smiled at him and casually mentioned how much he was growing to look like his mother after a few minutes of awkward small talk like she didn't know what an impact if would have on him.

"You knew my mom?" Takeshi had asked, making direct eye contact with his friend's mother for the first time since he'd met her. Nana hummed an affirmative as she checked another box on the forms.

"We went to high school together." Takeshi swallowed the growing lump in his throat and shifted his feet, suddenly embarrassed.

"Could you, um, could you tell me about her?" (Let it be said that Nana was probably the only person in the world besides Reborn who could make Takeshi so nervous that it actually affected him outwardly.)

Nana signed the last page and handed it to the receptionist with a smile before leading Takeshi to the seats in the waiting area. They sat down next to each other and Nana sighed in thought.

"Hm, where to start. Well, your mother was a second year when I entered high school, and she was honestly a little intimidating at first," Nana laughed softly. "She was only a second year, but she was already the captain of the girl's soccer team. I remember watching-"

Takeshi listened in rapt attention, absorbing everything that was said, and when Bianchi came to take Nana home, Takeshi was at a loss. He didn't want her to leave yet! He wanted to hear more! Here was the one person Takeshi had been afraid of, and she was the only one who would actually talk to him about who his mother had been! When would he ever have this opportunity again? She couldn't leave yet!

Nana must have noticed his panic because she patted him on the shoulder and smiled,

"You know, I would love it if you came over to chat with me again sometime."

(Takeshi seriously wondered if Tsuna had truly gotten his intuition from Iemitsu's side of the family.)

* * *

So, Sawada Nana turned out to be one of Takeshi's favorite people in the world; if he had a list, she would definitely be somewhere in the top ten. And now that he wasn't so tense over at Tsuna's, he could observe how much the dynamic of the house revolved around her. It seemed as though if they weren't bothering Tsuna, the residents of the house orbited around Nana.

It made him wonder about how things at his own house might have differed if his own mother hadn't died. Then when he pushed that depressing thought away, he wondered about everyone else's relationships with their moms. Tsuna obviously had a good relationship with his mom, and Takeshi had a vague idea about Gokudera's mother (and wasn't that story was even more depressing than Takeshi's own?). But what about the everyone else?

Did Bianchi get along well with her mother? What about Gokudera and his step-mother?

Were the Sasagawa's anything like their parents? Was their mom as Extreme! as Ryohei or as sweet and kind as Kyoko or maybe even mixture of both?

Did Hibari even have parents? If he did, were they aware of how their son effectively ruled a small town by the time he was thirteen?

Where were Mukuro's parents and what had happened that had landed him in the Estraneo's experiments? Did they give him away freely? Takeshi sure hoped they didn't because if they did, he would probably try do something drastic (that is, if Mukuro hadn't already).

Chrome didn't have very good mother, either from what Takeshi remembered, and that sucked because Chrome totally deserved a mom like Sawada Nana.

And Lambo! Was Lambo okay with being separated from his mother? He was so young that he would surely miss her, wouldn't he? Takeshi couldn't actually recall Lambo ever mentioning his parents, and wasn't that a little strange? He had heard all about Aunt Ottavia and her prize bull, but nothing of a mama besides Nana.

Takeshi wasn't sure if it was entirely appropriate to ask something like that to a five year old though, and he'd feel like a complete jerk if he made Lambo cry. But it seemed as though he shouldn't have worried about it because Lambo was the one who confronted him.

* * *

"Stay away from Maman!" Takeshi jumped and almost dropped his drink. He looked down and saw a very angry Lambo with his fists planted on his hips glaring up at him. Takeshi had to hide a smile behind his cup; Lambo was imitating Nana when she scolded Tsuna. Lambo scowled and kicked Takeshi in the shin.

"Hey! The Great Lambo said stay away from his maman!" Takeshi cocked his head in confusion.

"Why don't you want me near Tsuna's mom, little guy?" he asked and got another kick in response. He winced a bit and crouched to be on Lambo's level. Lambo sniffed

"Not Stupid Tsuna's mom! She's the Great Lambo's maman, and Lambo isn't going to share Maman with you, too!" Takeshi hummed slightly and picked Lambo up to settle him on his hip. The seven year old was tearing up, and Takeshi had to make him feel better before he pulled out grenades or something.

"You don't have to share her with me," Takeshi reassured, "She's not my maman, and she's never going to be my maman." Lambo pouted petuantly.

"That's because she's Lambo's maman."

Takeshi laughed, "That's right. Your maman tells me stories about my mama, and that's why I talk to her so often."

Lambo looked up curiously at him with his watery eyes, "Stories about your mama?"

Takeshi smiled and wiped away the few tears that had fallen from the kid's cheeks, "Yep. I don't know my mama so your maman tells me all about her." Lambo released a soft "oh" in response and stared up into Takeshi's face with a strange expression. Takeshi raised an eyebrow in question and Lambo frowned in reply.

"Will Maman tell Lambo stories of Lambo's mama, too?" Takeshi tensed and looked around uneasily for help. Everyone else was preoccupied with something or other, and he was on his own. Takeshi's shoulders slumped and he glanced at Lambo's face. It was still set in a sad frown, and Takeshi sighed in resignation. So much for not making Lambo cry. He couldn't see very many outcomes for this situation besides tears and explosions.

"Well," Takeshi began uneasily, "your maman probably didn't know your mama, so I don't think so. After all, your mama lived in Italy, right?"

Lambo nodded,"Lambo's mama lived with Aunt Ottavia."

Takeshi continued, "And your maman lives in Japan, right?" Another nod.

"So do you get why your maman probably can't tell you stories about your mama?" Takeshi asked softly. Lambo nodded again and sniffed sadly, more tears welling up into his eyes.

"Lambo wants to know his mama, too." Takeshi could feel his heart break a little more with each crack and waver in Lambo's voice.

"I'm sorry, Lambo," Takeshi murmured as he held onto the small body in his arms a little tighter when it began to shake.

* * *

Takeshi wasn't quite sure yet of his opinion on Reborn despite knowing the kid for almost five years. On one hand, the hitman had effectively tricked him into a life of crime with the mafia. On the other hand, he had taught Takeshi so much about everything in general and had given him the opportunity to become friends with Tsuna and Hayato. Takeshi tried to avoid thinking too hard on it, though. He was sure that once he organized and decided his thoughts on him, the kid would pull something that would make him have to reevaluate everything all over again. Reborn was just that type of person.

Working with the kid was always a bit of a strange, to be honest, and as far a Takeshi knew, he was the only one taken on assignments accepted by Reborn. Of course, Reborn still dragged Tsuna every which way he wanted the teen to go, but this was different. This being laying belly down on the top of a building while a nine year old manned the sniper rifle next to him.

A few hours of complete stillness in silence ended with the press of a trigger by a hand still chubby with baby fat. As Takeshi got up and ran after Reborn, he tried not to imagine the screams happening at the press conference three blocks away.

Takeshi wondered when his life had gotten so interesting.

"Hey, Little Guy, can I ask you a question?" They were in one of the Vongola's many safe houses after the successful hit, and Takeshi had been ruminating the same thing since he saw Reborn begin to assemble his rifle up on that rooftop.

"If you feel that you absolutely must."

"Does that mean no?" Takeshi just barely dodged the bullet aimed for his knee and laughed.

"Your question?" Reborn was definitely a little annoyed. Takeshi snickered and asked before he could shoot again.

"Did you have a good relationship with your mom?"

Complete and utter silence. Takeshi rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly.

"Should I have not asked that?" Dark eyes watched him from beneath the brim of Reborn's hat. Takeshi tensed slightly and prepared to dodge another shot.

"You should be careful with the questions you ask of people in the mafia," Reborn lectured. "Most would have killed you for asking that" Reborn's voice was casual and nonchalant, but Takeshi knew he had lucked out. Reborn was still in a good mood from completing the job, and Takeshi was still alive because of it.

"Really?" Takeshi laughed nervously, "That seems a little extreme"

"Well, most people consider their mother's to be a serious topic," Reborn replied as he began to disassemble his gun. It was weird to see such childish hands be so adept with it as Reborn was. "You're rather serious when it comes to your mother as well, are you not?" Takeshi winced.

"Right. My bad."

Takeshi watched as Reborn wiped down his gun carefully and - dare he say lovingly? The silence wasn't heavy - thank God - so Takeshi could assume that the other wasn't upset with him. Though with Reborn it was near impossible to tell. Takeshi figured if he survived the trip home mostly unharmed then Reborn wasn't mad. He smiled again for lack of nothing else to do. He hadn't actually done anything on the assignment - Reborn had just brought him along to watch, after all - so he didn't have to wipe down his sword. Takeshi eyed the sheathed blade and supposed he could wipe it down anyway, but he really didn't have the proper supplies with him at the moment. He wasn't like Reborn who somehow carried everything he'd ever need and then some around in some pocket dimension or something.

"I suppose I had no complaints of her." Takeshi jumped, startled and looked back at the nine year old.

"That's good," Takeshi mused. "Kids should have good relationships with their parents."

"They should, but you should remember that some don't. Avoid unnecessary questions in the future, Yamamoto." Takeshi winced slightly at the reprimand and grinned weakly.

"I'll try, Little Guy."

"Trying isn't enough." Takeshi smiled a bit more sincerely at that.

"Haha, right, sorry. I'll do that"

"That's better."

* * *

Just before Takeshi turned twenty-one, it was decided that everyone would move to Italy. Well, everyone but Hibari and Chrome. Hibari refused to leave Japan and threatened death to anyone who suggested he do otherwise. No one was quite sure what Chrome was doing. When told that she had a room prepared for her at the mansion, she had just smiled and said that she would be sure to visit before disappearing to who knows where. Takeshi liked Chrome, but he sometimes thought that Mukuro would be easier to keep track of. At least he was predictable. Chrome just sort of did her own thing unless Tsuna ordered her otherwise. But everyone knew that Tsuna ordering Chrome to do anything was never going to happen, though, so Chrome just kept on doing what ever it was Chrome did. (Takeshi stands firm in his opinion that Mukuro would have been easier to deal with; at least Mukuro wasn't Tsuna's favorite.)

So, yeah. Italy. Takeshi had traveled with Reborn, but he had never actually been to Italy, yet. Which was a little strange considering he had been in the mafia for nearly seven years, but Takeshi figured that any mafia family planning for a Japanese teenager to be their boss wasn't constrained by formalities.

Takeshi would miss Japan, but at the same time, he was excited to head to Italy. He should have practiced his Italian more, but he had always learned better in dire situations. And being dropped into mafia negotiations in Italy without speaking a lick of Italian would surely be dire enough to encourage him to pick it up quickly. If it wasn't, well, Takeshi had no one to blame but himself if he was shot and maybe killed.

His old man didn't seem to feel the same way, and he let Takeshi know what he thought about it all with a thorough dressing down over a platter of Takeshi's favorite sushi the weekend before he was set to leave. Takeshi grinned and listened in good humor, even when he was whacked over the head with a rolled up newspaper for not taking it seriously.

"But I am taking you seriously," Takeshi laughed as he popped another roll into his mouth. His dad glared at him and moved the platter back to his side of the serving bar. Takeshi pouted and moved to reach for the plate before being whacked again. Takeshi rubbed his head, sulking.

"Don't you look at me like that," Tsuyoshi snapped. "I worked hard to get out of that world so I could marry your mother, and here you are, hopping right back in! What would your mother say?"

Takeshi frowned and shrugged, "I don't know. Didn't exactly know her; what would she say?" Takeshi knew he was pushing when he really shouldn't be, but his old man had mentioned her first and Takeshi would be damned if he let this opportunity go to waste.

Tsuyoshi paused from placing the plate back on the counter top and stared at his son. Takeshi didn't know what he was looking for, but felt that if he didn't find it, his old man wouldn't share his thoughts. A moment of silence later, Tsuyoshi sighed and gave Takeshi his dinner back.

"She would tell me I'm being stubborn and to let you live your life."

Takeshi smiled slightly, "Yeah?"

"Yeah." Tsuyoshi picked up his beer bottle and tilted it towards his son. Takeshi's smile grew and he clinked his own against it's neck before downing the rest of his drink.

Takeshi may not have known his mother, but he knew his old man pretty well. He figured that was more than enough for him.

* * *

 _Reflection: The title was a rather random pick, but I read somewhere that carnations are often given as Mother's Day presents in Japan. They also mean "I miss you", if I'm not mistaken, but I'm not particularly flower savvy so forgive me if that's wrong._

 _I rushed through the end, which is a shame because I feel as if the scene with Tsuyoshi could have been a lot more meaningful. The Reborn scene was a lot more dialogue heavy than it was supposed to be, but Reborn is ridiculously hard to write for me so abundance of dialogue it is!_

 _Lambo's part of the story was actually the entire reason this whole thing happened. Do you ever get those random thoughts that just stab your heart and make you want to cry, but you can't because you have a fic to write, dammit!? I do. This one was Lambo and Takeshi bond over the moms they'd never met. Granted, there wasn't a whole lot of bonding going on there, but I imagine they totally become buddies after that moment._

 _Also, the ladies of KHR are very important, and if I had the patience and the plot, I would have fit every single one of them in this._


End file.
